Mirror mirror on the wall…

7BAD348C-38A0-49D7-A464-13403D415093Society has become increasingly narcissistic. I call it ego-society. Yet, I cannot judge the ones who participate willingly or unwillingly in this epidemic. We all have free will to chose ego or real self. 

All these “selfies” out there are not healthy. Every time I have to create a video to one of my songs, I know I am creating an image for people. Somehow I don’t want to be caught up in it too much and I don’t want to live up to this image that people might want to see of me. It’s just an image, not reality!

It is hard out there to be your real self and even harder to make people see their  true self. Sometimes people get scared of you, feel threatened and victimised when you don’t support the false image they have. They will even grab hold of other people and turn them against you and make you look like the bad person.

The threat that people feel is that their narcissistic supply will no longer be delivered to them. Narcissism makes you need people to be able to feel better. Without the reassurance of the people around you or the crowd….supporting all those labels that you think you are….you no longer exist.

When I make a painting, there will be people around me who will tell me “you should paint nature”, while I am painting a half-naked woman with flowers on her breasts. When I make a song I don’t even bother about all the critics who would like me to make a different type of song. That is their narcissism trying to control my creativity and turn my own creation in what THEY would like to see. In my mind I just point my middle finger at them and I tell them I’m just doing my own thing. I don’t need anyone’s approval to do what I am doing. I’m not anyone’s dog or trophy. Nobody tells me what to paint, write, sing, say or believe. My reason of existence does not depend upon the validation of others.

I don’t think that anyone is free of narcissism. Hell, I watch out daily not to overstep my own boundaries or the ones of others, while making sure not to be affected by any ego-manipulation of some kind. At times when I have emotional or relational imbalances and I can’t take much more, I can feel threatened and turn into an outburst of anger too. It has its negative effects on the well-being of my body and mind and on the people I am around. It usually freaks people out to see this other side of me. I call this part of me “the crocodile” and it comes up when I feel very unsafe. It’s linked to my childhood, when I used to get outbursts of anger towards my mother who would blame and put guilt upon me while she would roll herself theatrically in the position of a victim. She would do that to my father too. I don’t blame anyone. It just was this way. We all have childhood memories which aren’t that great. Who knows what ever happened to my mother in her childhood that made her become that way? My father had a lot to endure too. My mother seems to think that is funny. I think it’s sick. There is a lot of narcisssism behind closed doors. Families are not always what they appear to be. Espacially those who hide behind their catholic face and seem so perfect….they hide behind a mask of innocence.

But now that I’m older, if this simular situation reaccurs into my life, I get back into this state of mind that I was in then. It’s not something I can controle and it is hard to get rid off once it is out of its cage. So, believe me…I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by anger.

I don’t have all the answers, I don’t know everything….or like Emmanuel from Faulty Towers would say: “I know nothing”. I am just merely trying to help in my own way. Nothing I do is perfect because I am not perfection. Some people feel ashamed when confronted with their own imperfection. Why? 

Every imperfection turns you into a unique being. A blind person has sharper hearing. If we all help each other out and share our truths, visions, experiences….we will see the bigger picture. Don’t be afraid to be your real self, however vulnerable, imperfect or unordinary it may be. When people laugh at you, let them laugh. Just show the world that you love and respect your REAL self and that you no longer want to be manipulated into this image society wants you to be. Let them call you “weird” and “crazy”. Why would you care about what certain people – who can’t even think for themselves – think of you? Don’t try to convince them either or force them into taking off their masks, because their denial will be all-convincing. The only thing you can do to change society and this world is to be your true self and thereby lead by example. 

Be compassionate towards those who can’t reach their true self, because the process is very painful for some and nobody really wants to go through that. Don’t let them hurt you either. Just be around, not to be used or abused, not to reinforce someone’s false image and support the ego….but to understand their pain. Understand also that people’s pain might be so deep that they can’t afford to really care about you and are afraid to get hurt for caring that deeply. Keep your distance and don’t get caught up in it personally. When you see no way out, just walk away. Don’t become a victim, don’t lend your self to those who are looking for self – been there, done that 🙄 – but show them how to find their real self by example.

I’ve tried out numerous ways to deal with my own and other’s people narcissism. But it is so entangled into this society that it takes an effort from everyone to deal with this problem. We should all stop and point the finger at each other and embrace our own shadow. Remind yourself that narcissism is inside everyone, inside me and you. This whole ego-society is build around it and the people who have the most narcissitic traits have found their way to the top. Narcissism can drive someone to grow completely cold, uncompassionate, full of hate, jealoussy and resentment. The worst of them have no trouble doing vicious, hateful and unfair things and they will achieve their goal….even if they have to walk all over everyone and manipulate an entire nation. Don’t get caught into their trap of manipulation. Become aware of narcissism and of the manipulation through ego, of what REAL self is.  This society is sick and we need to heal it….start by becoming aware of all the labels that are glued onto your ego, cut the cords and find your REAL self. It’s totally not easy to manipulate people who are aware of ego and who have made the choice to lay down their mask and show their real self. If we all did this, this world would be a better place!

The greatest gift you can give to the world is to be your REAL self

are you aware now what this commercial is trying to tell you?  See commercial

One thought on “Mirror mirror on the wall…

  1. I agree that the greatest gift you can give to the world is to be your real self. I think everyone struggles with authenticity. Some even have their own warped ideas on what’s keeping it real happens to be. I do think humanity at their core is truly good. Most people have masks that they wear. The “Everything is ok on the outside, while I am dying on the inside,” happens to be the most common mask people wear. And believe me everyone have their own opinions about everything under the sun. To be completely honest I vomit opinions on the regular which I feel is natural. What I feel is wrong is thinking that someone have to agree with my opinions. If you agree with me it have to come from mutual state of existence. Especially when it comes to creativity. The definition of creativity itself is the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations. As long as being one’s true self is not going to cause people to drop dead (I was going to say harmful but what some may think is harmful others may not so I want to be clear) then it’s a beautiful thing.

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