Mirror mirror on the wall…

7BAD348C-38A0-49D7-A464-13403D415093Society has become increasingly narcissistic. I call it ego-society. Yet, I cannot judge the ones who participate willingly or unwillingly in this epidemic. We all have free will to chose ego or real self. 

All these “selfies” out there are not healthy. Every time I have to create a video to one of my songs, I know I am creating an image for people. Somehow I don’t want to be caught up in it too much and I don’t want to live up to this image that people might want to see of me. It’s just an image, not reality!

It is hard out there to be your real self and even harder to make people see their  true self. Sometimes people get scared of you, feel threatened and victimised when you don’t support the false image they have. They will even grab hold of other people and turn them against you and make you look like the bad person.

The threat that people feel is that their narcissistic supply will no longer be delivered to them. Narcissism makes you need people to be able to feel better. Without the reassurance of the people around you or the crowd….supporting all those labels that you think you are….you no longer exist.

When I make a painting, there will be people around me who will tell me “you should paint nature”, while I am painting a half-naked woman with flowers on her breasts. When I make a song I don’t even bother about all the critics who would like me to make a different type of song. That is their narcissism trying to control my creativity and turn my own creation in what THEY would like to see. In my mind I just point my middle finger at them and I tell them I’m just doing my own thing. I don’t need anyone’s approval to do what I am doing. I’m not anyone’s dog or trophy. Nobody tells me what to paint, write, sing, say or believe. My reason of existence does not depend upon the validation of others.

I don’t think that anyone is free of narcissism. Hell, I watch out daily not to overstep my own boundaries or the ones of others, while making sure not to be affected by any ego-manipulation of some kind. At times when I have emotional or relational imbalances and I can’t take much more, I can feel threatened and turn into an outburst of anger too. It has its negative effects on the well-being of my body and mind and on the people I am around. It usually freaks people out to see this other side of me. I call this part of me “the crocodile” and it comes up when I feel very unsafe. I’ve always been a sensitive child and the people around me did not know how to deal with this. So, I felt very alone and all I could talk to where these “energies”, the elements, nature…

Some children feel like they are expected to act and be a certain way and they feel like they are not allowed to just be themselves. A part of them has to remain a secret. Some children adapt, others stay angry inside and become rebels.

There is a lot of narcisssism behind closed doors. Families are not always what they appear to be. Espacially those who hide behind their catholic face and seem so perfect….they hide behind a mask of innocence.  No-one ever wants to open up about this to his parents or his family, because of the guilt trip that awaits them. It’s a hush-hush thing and it is covered up in such a twisted way, that nobody ever seems to have the courage to even discuss this subject. Surely your parents had it even worse than you and those before them were the worst of them all.! The whole of society operates in this way. So what do you expect?

So, we all stay angry and bitter…trapped into a “fake” system…where we hide our TRUE selves…and the very clever ones that build up this “fake” society we live in profit from the guilt/shame/unhappyness of each and every one of us. “Maybe you should buy that new cell phone…it could make you feel better!”…and that is exactely how this  “show” keeps on going and everyone seems to be doing it. Pardon me for saying this…because I’m stepping on some toes here. The only way to bring some change in this system we are all living in, is to say it out loud. “I no longer want to be in this masquerade. It ends here!”

Surely parents only want the best for their children. It’s just that they don’t always want to see what is best for the child. They have society’s weight put upon them. Every parent is still trying to get over his or her “twisted” childhood and they don’t know any better.

But now that I’m older, A part of me can get really angry when it feels attacked by the behaviour of other people when they try to put their guilt upon me in order to manipulate me. It’s not something I can controle and it is hard to stay calm once the tiger is out of its cage. So, believe me…I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by anger.

I don’t have all the answers, I don’t know everything….or like Emmanuel from Faulty Towers would say: “I know nothing”. I am just merely trying to help in my own way. Nothing I do is perfect because I am not perfection. Some people feel ashamed when confronted with their own imperfection. Why? 

Every imperfection turns you into a unique being. A blind person has sharper hearing. If we all help each other out and share our truths, visions, experiences….we will see the bigger picture. Don’t be afraid to be your real self, however vulnerable, imperfect or unordinary it may be. When people laugh at you, let them laugh. Just show the world that you love and respect your REAL self and that you no longer want to be manipulated into this image society wants you to be. Let them call you “weird” and “crazy”. Why would you care about what certain people – who can’t even think for themselves – think of you? Don’t try to convince them either or force them into taking off their masks, because their denial will be all-convincing. The only thing you can do to change society and this world is to be your true self and thereby lead by example. 

Be compassionate towards those who can’t reach their true self, because the process is very painful for some and nobody really wants to go through that. Don’t let them hurt you either. Just be around, not to be used or abused, not to reinforce someone’s false image and support the ego….but to understand their pain. Understand also that people’s pain might be so deep that they can’t afford to really care about you and are afraid to get hurt for caring that deeply. Keep your distance and don’t get caught up in it personally. When you see no way out, just walk away. Don’t become a victim, don’t lend your self to those who are looking for self – been there, done that 🙄 – but show them how to find their real self by example.

I’ve tried out numerous ways to deal with my own and other’s people narcissism. But it is so entangled into this society that it takes an effort from everyone to deal with this problem. We should all stop and point the finger at each other and embrace our own shadow. Remind yourself that narcissism is inside everyone, inside me and you. This whole ego-society is build around it and the people who have the most narcissitic traits have found their way to the top. Narcissism can drive someone to grow completely cold, uncompassionate, full of hate, jealoussy and resentment. The worst of them have no trouble doing vicious, hateful and unfair things and they will achieve their goal….even if they have to walk all over everyone and manipulate an entire nation. Don’t get caught into their trap of manipulation. Become aware of narcissism and of the manipulation through ego, of what REAL self is.  This society is sick and we need to heal it….start by becoming aware of all the labels that are glued onto your ego, cut the cords and find your REAL self. It’s totally not easy to manipulate people who are aware of ego and who have made the choice to lay down their mask and show their real self. If we all did this, this world would be a better place!

The greatest gift you can give to the world is to be your REAL self

are you aware now what this commercial is trying to tell you?  See commercial

One thought on “Mirror mirror on the wall…

  1. I agree that the greatest gift you can give to the world is to be your real self. I think everyone struggles with authenticity. Some even have their own warped ideas on what’s keeping it real happens to be. I do think humanity at their core is truly good. Most people have masks that they wear. The “Everything is ok on the outside, while I am dying on the inside,” happens to be the most common mask people wear. And believe me everyone have their own opinions about everything under the sun. To be completely honest I vomit opinions on the regular which I feel is natural. What I feel is wrong is thinking that someone have to agree with my opinions. If you agree with me it have to come from mutual state of existence. Especially when it comes to creativity. The definition of creativity itself is the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations. As long as being one’s true self is not going to cause people to drop dead (I was going to say harmful but what some may think is harmful others may not so I want to be clear) then it’s a beautiful thing.


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