Unhealthy narcissism: when love becomes a dependency


The mechanism is really simple when you look at things from a distance.

People become increasingly narcissistic when you support their false self, their ego, the image they have created for themselves and exists merely out of labels that were glued onto them at some part of their lives.

It is a system of manipulation going on between people which creates a dependency. It is nowhere near based on facts but on sustaining a false image to hide feelings of minority. 

The problem is that when you never see through “why I ended up in such relationship”, you keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

Let’s say that a woman meets a man and she sees he is unhappy…but she doesn’t really know why ….empathic as she is and associating her image only with her good side ( also a label) she will start to communicate with that man.

She will automatically feel his minority complex and give him false complements where he needs them. Mistake number one: she will tell him “I think you are beautiful” while knowing that he is far far away from looking like Brat Pitt. But it has started. She just set hook number one into a man by telling him a lie to make him feel better. It all seems very innocent and full of good intentions for both parties. He starts to like her and she feels appreciated.

The best thing in this situation would have been to tell the truth, something like…”beautiful men are usually gay. So what if you don’t look all that great? Looks aren’t everything. But you have a kind of charisma….something that glows from within” 

In this way the woman’s message would have been : I accept you the way you are, now accept your true self. Do you see the difference?

Mistake number 2: “I will do whatever you want me to do”. The woman will try to please him to be able to keep him, afraid of losing him. She will play the second violin for him, supporting him in his achievements, his hobbies, she will even go fishing with him and innerly feel repulsed when she sees him killing a fish. But she loves him…so that’s why she does it.

After doing this for over a couple of years the result will be that the man will feel  so good about himself that he won’t even appreciate the woman that supported him. It will be All about him and the woman will be left unhappy, knowing that she is basically filling up someone else’s life and has no real value herself. She really doesn’t want to support him anymore and she sees him getting more and more negative towards other people: he is now so desperately hooked to this feeling of “superiority” that he is trying to feel better by devaluating other people.  

  • After a while she meets another man and the story repeats itself. No lesson learned. 
  • This is only one example, but I bet a lot of women see themselves in this situation. Also a lot of men who want to be their true self, feel trapped into their lives and feel unable to be their true selves.
  • This is why most people feel unhappy….they are trapped in a situation of manipulation into society, into their relationship or simply within their selves. True happiness can only be found within.

So people in interacting with each other…don’t suck up to each other and say things which aren’t true…but be honest (not blunt) and tell it like it really is. We all need to accept our real selves, our shadow side. Nobody is perfect….yet everybody is so afraid of being “nobody”. However only a nobody has full potential to become everything, only WITHOUT labels we can see our full potential and start growing towards the light!


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